It Doesn't Show Signs of Stopping.

Snow day! We're getting hit with it big time, so I wimped out and decided to stay home. No sense dealing with the weather and idiot drivers out there, right? Right.

Last night I probably didn't get more than three hours total of sleep. I don't know why, but I just couldn't shut down. I wasn't stressing over anything in particular, nor anticipating anything (other than snow), but I just couldn't sleep. It took me over two hours before I fell into a light and restless sleep and that only lasted about two hours. Strange.

What's really weirding me out though, is my dream. I had a baby boy, a newborn, and I was breastfeeding him. I could feel everything. And no, I didn't wake up to see Brian hanging off of my right tit, so the sensation was all in my head. I could practically smell the baby's head, too. So strange, so real and I can't stop thinking about it. I did have fleeting "am I pregnant?" thoughts last night before falling asleep, but I have no reason to think I am.

Do I want to be pregnant? Yes, yes I do. I've conceded that it will never be the right time, but I'm not getting younger and I want to be a parent while I'm still relatively young enough to handle it. We're actively trying and I am deliberately not talking about it much because a) I don't want to bore people with it, and b) I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I know that won't make sense to anyone but me, but I just don't want to go on and on unless I'm specifically asked about it.

last - next